What can I Possibly Know?

 

           What Can I Possibly Know?

So, what can I possibly know about anything? I ask myself that question constantly. I realize that is a very broad topic to say the least, but as a start, I guess I will have to start with me.

So, what can I possibly know about myself? Beyond the obvious being weight, height, age, etc. I find it very hard to define what I do know about myself. I know what I think was my childhood (but even that is subjective) I know who my parents and siblings are, I even remember a few pets and places we lived however, that does not define anything I really know about myself.

I used to be a Christian or at least I associated myself with that belief system, but that was basically out of not knowing much of anything else. I was raised in the Christian belief system by a mom who firmly had her feet grounded in it. However, on the flip side I had a dad who I only heard pray over holiday meals starting with ‘Our Most Gracious Heavenly Father’ to which I always sat in confusion about who that ‘Father’ was, he was referring to. My dad you see was a firm believer in his Luciferian belief system. At least that is kind of what I assumed by the things he was involved in. So, I was raised with a very big contradiction about what belief was true and what was false. I was afraid to contradict either religion, as both belief systems did little to comfort me. I was afraid of going to hell for eternity by one God, for not getting it right, or being punished by the other god for the same thing. Needless to say, I grew up always looking for answers to my dilemma.

So, through all my searching and all my studies I have concluded that I am neither a Christian nor a Luciferian. I know what I am not, however that does not mean I have a clue about what I am. I do have a belief of sorts in that I kind of think there is an Eternal Creator. I do not think of the Creator as male or female but mainly an energy source of some kind that we are somehow connected to. I have thought about this a lot, and I just can not wrap myself around a god who is all about human sacrifice and worship. Both Christianity and Luciferian religions are about both. They both claim to be very different but in truth they are not. I was raised in both and to me it seemed they were just flip sides of the same coins.

Actually, reading the bible could be about both gods as they both have a lot of the same attributes. Now that, could get me in trouble with both sides but mostly with the Christian side. The confusing thing about it all is that so many Luciferians are Christians and Christians are Luciferians. Chew on that for a while.

So, back to, what can I possibly know? Well, I know that I do not have any belief in either religion. I do think there might be some truth in both however, I am not even sure about that.

So back to what I might know. There is a Creator that started this whole thing called life. So, what does that have to do with me? Well, I kind of think that we are all sparks or aspects of the Creator, and we/humans are all connected to each other by that connection to the Divine Creator. I am starting to think that everything we need to survive this life is inside of us. I kind of think that if we can somehow tap into that connection, we will then be communicating with the Creator. Actually, I think people do it all the time but call it by different things. Like some call it the Holy Spirit or some might call it intuition, or goddess within, Jesus, Buddha, your higher self, the knowing maybe? Whatever it is called I think it might just be that same thing depending on what a person’s belief system is.

I have a problem with the fact that I live a lie most of the time. If I deny Christianity, I will not only lose most of the friends I have but hurt a lot of my family. Christianity is not that forgiving of anyone who leaves the ‘faith’. However, by not being honest I am not being true to who I am. And I am not a believer in any religion. I lean toward some beliefs but that does not mean I adhere completely to any.

I am thinking that is I should lean towards any belief system it would be some kind of a nature based one. I say that because I like the idea of thanking nature for its bounty and respecting it. I don’t really practice that, but it does sound attractive to me. I tend to feel attracted to my Celtic ancestral roots as well as the pre-Incan civilization, which brings me to the idea of reincarnation.  

Did I live many lives? I am not sure. I mean how can I really know? It is not like I really remember, hell I have a hard time remembering everything about this life. But with saying that I do have to admit I find reincarnation intriguing. There seems to be a lot of aspects about it that make some sense. Most of the ancient texts speak about it and teach it. Even the bible alludes to it, but don’t go saying that to a Christian. Sorry Christians I do not mean to pick on you.

I do wonder if I started being honest about what I am not, if maybe then I would attract the kind of people who would ‘get’ me. I am a coward, I admit that. I do not want to give up my Christian friends, but on the same token are they my friends if they rejected me for not having the same belief system they have? How can I possibly know? The only way to know is to be honest and in truth knowing how Christianity is, they will have to reject me. That is what they are taught to believe.

But I feel that if I do not start being honest, I will never get any further on my journey to any kind of truth and peace inside of me. I have alluded to my lack of belief in traditional religion but go very shy on being totally honest.

So, here is what I do know about myself, I am a coward. Ouch! That hurt!  I almost feel as if facing Christians is very near to facing a firing squad and actually facing a firing squad sounds much easier. The thing is I really love a lot of these people, that has not changed for me, but it will very likely change everything for them. But aren’t I already on the outside looking in? If I am honest with myself don’t a lot of them already kind of suspect? God this is like being gay and coming out of the closet. Crazy shit! I mean me, 64-year-old women coming out of the closet about not being a Christian anymore, crazy shit!

So, what can I possibly know?