Nothing is ever what it seems

Nothing is ever as it seems....

That is the story of my life.

I haven't written anything since spring, but that is not because I have not had anything to say. My life has been on warp speed since May 20th 2022. That is the day that changed my life. Actually that is the day I found my life.

So here I am trying to find the words that might make some sense out of all of this. Not that it needs to be made sense of, mostly I just felt the need to try and share this amazing journey with maybe someone out there who actually finds this blog and might need to read it.

Let me start from the beginning. 

I am an ordinary woman, I have been married nearly 33 years, have 6 grown children and 17 grandchildren. I am a home healthcare aide, a closet artist, I'm rather quirky. I have very few close friends and tend to spent a lot of time alone and I am good with that. I love music and listen to it always, especially when it is close to my soul. Music has been my mainstay my whole life. I will be 65 December 12th and yes I still dance by myself in the house, while walking down the road and even in the woods by our home. I have tunes going on in my head 24/7. 

Music seems to lead me to places I never see coming. But that is a good thing. 

I am a happy person in general. I always see the glass half full and I have always believed that no matter what crap I am going through it will get better if I just hold on and ride it out.

My life has not been easy, however it has never been boring so anything that shakes me to the core should not be surprising.

May 20th shook me to the core. It changed everything I thought I knew about myself, the world, the universe and my concept of God.

My spiritual transformation actually has been going on for years but something started changing in me about September 2021. 

The two years prior had been very hard, my oldest son was very ill with a liver disease and he was needing a transplant. With the whole covid nightmare things were not looking good. I was fighting doctors, hospitals etc. trying to keep my son alive long enough to get a shot at a liver. He as days away from dying when he got his miracle. He is married with 3 sons. We are all glad he is still here and doing well. 

Also during that time I had two very special patients I was caring for and they both passed on while I was caring for my son. I tend to get very attached to my patients. It was rough losing those two ladies. I loved them a lot. I only have one patient now and he is no longer a patient. (I lost my job because I refused to take the covid vax) it was a personal choice and I had many reasons but that is not the story here. In any case I am still caring for my one patient who is an old man I adopted so I am his self appointed caregiver now. He has no family here or anyone to help, I couldn't just leave him. But it is a labor of love. He is an amazing man and has taught me a lot. 

So, no I am not a saint. I just get sent to help people and I do my best with that. 

So last September it was like something in me turned a corner. I had been raised Christian but had walked away a good while back. That is another story. Anyway things just started changing inside of me. My diet changed. I did not go on a diet, it just started changing. I started walking more, losing weight, listening and really looking at the universe around me. I started asking questions and started getting answers in the most unlikely places. I started reading a lot of metaphysical books and listening to different things and ideas.

Everything I was taught was mostly lies, so it was like a total rewire of my brain. There wasn't really anyone I could talk to about any of this, but I knew it was my journey and I had to go it alone.

The changes in me had already started becoming profound but the weeks that lead up to May 20th really propelled me forward. Then on that fateful evening I looked into a set of eyes and I saw a smile that changed my life. It was like magic, there was electricity in the air. I would have thought it was my imagination, however, not only my husband who was with me, saw and felt the shift but the people standing around me did too.

And nothing has been the same. It is like my spirituality has went into warp drive. The past almost five months I have seen things and experienced things I have never dealt with before.

I was asked one thing by I guess you could call it the Universe, or God, or whatever you want to call it and that was to trust this journey no matter where it takes me, no matter if it makes sense, even if I have to leave behind everything I know and love. WOW! And that is where I am at now. I have had to let go of my ego, deal with my dark-side and toss any preconceived ideas of how anything I thought was and is. I was given a priceless gift of knowing who I am and what I am part of and how my life has been a beautiful plan, even the darkest parts. 

All the abuse I went through as a child was burned away and healed in the most miraculous way. Even Tulsa was a healing point for me because I had never really intended to go back there. That was the hot bed of all my abuse as a kid. I grew up there. After that one fated night on May 20th I left Tulsa with no holds on me anymore. It was all gone. 

The best part of this story I can not tell. It is too sacred and too special for me to share, but I can say that miracles do happen. Nothing is ever as it seems. Keep on dreaming and believing, never give up. When you throw yourself out into the universe with pure trust, even if it seems nuts, you will find not only yourself, but God within you. You will find magic and miracles and most of all, unconditional love.  

My story is still unfolding and I am still reaching and believing. I know what I know deep down inside and I will follow that knowing where ever it takes me. 

It matters not where I end up or who I am with or how I get there. I am all in for wherever this journey takes me. 

You are never too old to be amazed, to be happy and to give love and be loved. 

Until later,

Blessings All,

Judy

PS. If you find this just know that I will always wait for you.